
I’m feeling very grateful this morning for some of the challenges I’ve been experiencing as they have been the catalyst to get me back on track. I have a clearer sense of direction and that is to look within instead of outside of myself. It feels very liberating. I’ve not only been able to see this with regards to some of my current situations but also in relation to some profound disappointments from the past.
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The view from my office window this morning tells a deeper story; the trees are bare and the ground is covered with a light blanket of cold snow. If I didn’t know better, I would think everything is dead. If I took just this little snapshot in time I might become very sad and discouraged by how things appear. There have been many, many times in my life when things appeared dead just as these trees do. I’ve shed many tears mourning their loss only to later discover that a way was being prepared for something new.
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Some things happened recently that have led me to reevaluate my life a bit. As I listened within I was reminded of how I feel when I know that everything I need is within me. When I’m clear about this, and therefore look there instead of outside of myself– in other people, in circumstances, and conditions–I no longer have expectations of others. It’s a beautiful thing; I no longer need people to be a certain way, or for them to even be in my life.
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I really try to come to this with transparency and to be completely honest, the last thing I wanted to do today was to post anything…or do anything. Some things happened in the last couple of days that have left me feeling very confused, sad, and very broken hearted. I slept very little last night and woke feeling sick to my stomach.
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I took the day off yesterday, went shopping with a friend and then went to dinner. The mayhem begins again today. They are installing the dance floor in the lower level that we are referring to as Le Club, the organizers extraordinaire are here to do their magic, and hopefully, Mike, our magician electrician is coming to hang more light fixtures. I already need a nap!
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I decided to move a little slower pace today. There’s not a part of my body that doesn’t hurt right now. Even my fingers are sore. At the same time I feel ecstatically happy and filled with utter joy! (As you’ll see below, maybe should I say “udder” joy.) I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to shower (until last night) and seldom have time to eat much.
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I could use some of this. Maybe next month. xo
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It’s often the damaged parts of ourself that serve as a catalyst to find and express unspeakable beauty. Continue Reading »
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