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Archive for January, 2018

Breathe and trust…

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Everything, and I do mean everything, has some sort of gift to offer. Sometimes these gifts are hard to see at first because they run contrary to what we think we need or want and judge them as bad.
I can’t even tell you how many times I banged down doors thinking what was on the other side was what I really wanted and needed but found a nightmare. There have also been so many times that what was happening looked bad but turned out to be a profound blessing.
There was a time when I had no place to go, all doors shut to me and the only option was to go stay with my dad or live on the streets. This was the last place I wanted to live for many reasons but I reluctantly went “home.” One day I was sitting on his sofa feeling utterly confused and whispered aloud, “Why am I here?” The inner Voice that had become very familiar to me by this time answered immediately, “You are here for a reason.” A deep sense of peace washed over me and that was all I needed to know.
In the months following my dad and I did things together, small things but things that left an imprint on my heart that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Our relationship began to heal. And when he became ill soon after I lived at his bedside. I wrote him letters, read to him, and to his dismay, sang softly to him. He continued to communicate to me even though the doctors said he was unresponsive. He was actually more “responsive” to me than ever. Even others felt it when they entered the room. Our relationship was transformed and by the time he passed a couple of months later, I ADORED him. I adore him still and feel him with me often.
A relationship that went from a history of pain and abuse and a man for whom I felt a deep sense of anger and resentment, became a relationship of inexplicably profound love and adoration.  Had there been another option open to me, I wouldn’t have gone to live him. What I first judged as going very backward ended up being a heaven sent gift that I could have never foreseen.

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Be weird…

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Sprinkle some gratitude…

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Today I’m focusing less on what I do and more on doing everything with a grateful heart. I find the simplest and most mundane tasks can become profound experiences that sometimes move me to tears when I consciously approach everything with a sense of deep appreciation. Join me? xo

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Great weather today…

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The way to find we have something is by giving it away. Huh? We all have love and fullness and completion within us already (as much as it can seem like we don’t). The way to find it and draw it forth is by giving it. Anyone would agree that we can’t give what we don’t have. Right? So if we can give it, we must have it.
 
Many feel like there’s a hole inside and think that if they can just find something outside themselves, that hole will be filled. The problem is this never works. It never works because the hole we feel can only be filled by discovering that what we are yearning for was inside us all along. And the way to find it, is by giving it. By giving it, we find we have it…we discover that we always had it.
 
I know this can seem counter intuitive but think about one simple experience in your own life when you poured out love to someone or something and felt fuller as a result. It’s not the love you received that made you feel full, it was the love you gave.
 
It’s very important to understand that I’m not referring to the type of giving that has an expectation of a return though. The kind in many relationships when we think because we gave to someone they should give us something in return (even an expectation of gratitude). This is still looking to get something and will not result in the experience I’m referring to.
 
I know this might seem like a very different approach but you might ask yourself how much looking outside for fulfillment has worked and how much it has ended in pain and disappointment? And how many times have you given with an expectation and felt more empty as a result? Ask and be very honest with yourself. And if your’e honest with yourself you might be able to at least ask yourself what you really have to lose by trying something different? xo

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Happy Friday!

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Be kind…to yourself.

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