I’ve known that my life is not my own for a very long time. I prefer this as when I thought it was, my life was an absolute, miserable mess! Over the years I’ve been led and guided in ways that I couldn’t have imagined or planned. Sometimes I hear the direction clearly and directly, sometimes I’m squeezed by circumstances, and sometimes I feel like I’m being dragged. Whatever the case, I eventually let go of my grip of what I think I need and want, and what I think will keep me safe and happy, allowing myself to be moved. I have never regretted it.
When I first began to be led in this way, it took me a while to understand that we might be divinely led in a direction but that this doesn’t mean we will continue on that specific road. It seems obvious to me now, but there was time that I thought if I was led down a particular path, I would always continue on that same path. I was very mistaken…Oopsie.
We each might experience guidance differently but if we pay attention, there’s usually a pattern. Often times when I’m being moved, what I’m being moved from starts to feel very heavy. I start to feel like I’m walking through mud, and if I try to continue in that direction, I experience general mayhem in my life. I becomes excruciatingly painful.
One of the most difficult parts about being redirected as that often we have no clue where we are being led. The time might come where we KNOW we are being redirected but the road ahead looks like it’s covered in dense fog. It can feel like a completely uninspired place filled with doubt, emptiness, dullness and confusion. It can be extremely frightening at times as the fear that the fog may never lift can seem very real during these times.
Princess Sassy Pants & Co. was one of those things that I was led to after a very long period of deep darkness filled with extremely difficult challenges and doubt. So when I started to feel like it too was becoming heavy, I became very frightened that I might be heading into another period of darkness and emptiness. What once felt so joyful and inspired, I began to dread. I KNEW I was being moved…again.
During these times it can be very helpful to sloooow way down. I try to carve out as much time as possible to get quiet, study, meditate, write, and to just curl up and cry sometimes. I try to listen for the slightest inkling of joy about anything, even if it doesn’t seem to make sense to me or seems completely unrelated to any new direction. My little ears are perked as though I’m an animal walking through a dark forest.
As we stand shivering in the fog various ideas might pop up in thought, and no matter how strange, outlandish or seemingly impossible, I’ve found it helpful to entertain them to see if they spark any feelings of joy–no matter how slight. It might be just something simple like “take a walk,” or “call a friend.” This is often a time of little baby steps where we can only see that next minute step in front of us. If done with trust that we really do not know the way but that we are being guided, those tiny steps will eventually lead us out of the forest and back into the sunshine…always.
I’m finally beginning to see some rays of light in my little dark forest and as usual, it’s not what I expected. A part of this seems to be sharing more of that here and in the Princess Sassy Pants closed group as I go along. In light of this, I must say that the post that stirred things up a couple of days ago isn’t a bad thing. I feel moved to share some deeper ideas and experiences I’ve had and what I’m going to share won’t resonate with everyone. That’s okay. Some aren’t ready to hear these things and some need to hear them in a different way, so they will leave. That’s okay. Some might just make a little fuss as they go. Change can feel scary sometimes.
A small number of people did leave the little group yesterday but over 2,000 new members joined to take their place. I’m sure I haven’t seen the last of this. I was inwardly told that some of this would happen as I move forward, but also that the ideas would reach those who they are meant for. I trust the bigger picture. It’s not my plan (thank goodness). I’m just excited to see where it leads us.
Here’s a link to the facebook group if you’d like to join–Princess Sassy Pants Group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/princesssassypants/
