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Archive for May, 2019

Gratitude…

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Let Joy Be Your Compass

Are you familiar with the “Hotter-Colder Game?” It’s a children’s game where an item is hidden somewhere by one player while the rest cover their eyes. The rest of players then walk around looking for the hidden object. If they get closer, the one who has hidden the object says, “Warmer, warmer.” When they move away from it she says, “Colder, colder.” If someone gets very close they hear, “Hotter, hotter, hot!”
 
I’ve been inwardly guided in many ways; two of the ways are through pain and through joy. We are sometimes squeezed in the direction that is best–doors slam in our face, barricades seem to be everywhere keeping us from what we think we want and need, and things seem to be taken away. And like a baby who’s playing with matches believing these are great toys, we cry believing what is in our best interest is being denied us or taken from us. This guidance through pain will still accomplish the task of moving us in the direction we need to go, but it’s clearly not the most fun way to be led.

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Under the sea…

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Thank you all for your recent outpouring of support. Changes can be so scary sometimes, and as I’ve tried to listen within for guidance and direction, your support has felt like the voice of dear friends cheering me on through some of the fear, doubt, and uncertainly that often comes with change. Thank you. xo

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Gone fishing?

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I’ve been confronted with some pretty deep challenges in life starting from a very young age, and I wouldn’t change this. Why? Why wouldn’t I have wanted a cushy life? It’s not that I didn’t try to find these things. I tried everything I knew and more to experience some of the ease I saw others enjoy, but to no avail. No matter what I did or didn’t do, the promised happiness seemed to elude me…thankfully.
 
It’s BECAUSE I failed repeatedly that I had to find another way. The pathways that most take, the ones that are well-trodden and clear, led nowhere for me, forcing me to either give up altogether (which I did consider at times believe me), or grab a machete, head into the dense brush, and form a new path.
 
If I had succeeded on the pathways I had been looking in the tiniest measure, I would have never discovered the wonders, joy, miracles, peace and hope I found by looking in the only place I hadn’t looked, and the only place these things can really ever be found…within.
 
I didn’t know these things could be found when I first began the trek within. I had no idea that I was finally looking in the place where hope is justified and the happiness that seemed to be out of my grasp could actually be found. I just didn’t know where else to look, having turned over ever single rock along the way.
 
I had been sitting in a field, starving, casting my fishing line, hoping to catch even the tiniest fish. I cast my line over and over, reeling it in only to discover an old boot, a clump of dirt, a tire; clearly things that would never assuage my deep hunger pains. Then it was as if I heard the tiniest whisper, “Sweet child, there are plenty of fish to fill you, but to find them, you have to go to the water.”
 
As it turns out, there has always been an ocean within each of us, filled with joy, laughter, and hope, where the fish leap into our boat.

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Memorial Day…

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Fairytale endings?

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Once upon a time, and too many times in the past, I would set my sights on a particular goal, put on my bull horns and forge ahead only to find that once I reached it, it was like sand in my hand, leaving me with a feeling of emptiness. After building countless sandcastles, I began to ask myself what I could do differently.

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