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Archive for March, 2018

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I’m taking a little break from the continued moving mayhem right now and felt like sharing this post. I love this one. However much it can seem a little silly, this really is the truth and is my personal fairy tale.

I know I’ve done my share of searching in so many things and people in my life. I searched and felt a constant sense of disappointment and discouragement until I started to look within. I really didn’t know what I was doing at first, but I was miserable and it was just the only place I hadn’t looked. To be completely honest, I didn’t expect to find anything different than I had found up to that point. Boy, was I wrong!

When I write about love and the heart I never mean this from a romantic, sentimental sense. I am referring to a much bigger LOVE and the heart being the center of that LOVE. To me the “heart” is the place where we feel this LOVE, express it, and pour it out. You can give it whatever name you’d like–whatever resonates with you. For some it might have a more spiritual or religious name and for some something entirely different.

A name or a particular word doesn’t make something what it is.
There are currently 6909 living languages used in the world today and each one might have a different word that points to the same thing. The word doesn’t make the thing nor does it change it, it is a symbol, a pointer.

So use whatever particular word or words that help you to have the actual experience of this bigger LOVE. For me, the ones that happen to resonate with me include things like fairy dust. But don’t be fooled by the apparent irreverence of my word choices because there simply are no words for the depth of the experiences behind them. xo

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I’ve been thinking a lot about trusting our intuition. I’ve always had a very strong intuitive sense that’s just gotten stronger over the years. If people lie to me, I feel it in the pit of my stomach. If something isn’t right in general the feeling won’t go away until it’s resolved in some way (even if things look good on the surface). If the situation continues for a while, I’ll begin to have dreams and all sorts of other things will happen that are undeniable.
 
Years ago I was dating a man who seemed perfect for me but after a short time something didn’t feel right. There was nothing on the surface that would indicate a problem but the feeling persisted. One afternoon my brother asked me to take him to gas station to get gas for the lawn mower. I jumped up and off we went even though he was very capable of driving himself. When I went in to pay for the gas there was woman at the counter who had run out gas. I offered to take her to her car.
 
As it turned out she had gone to high school with my brother so during the half mile drive to her car, conversation quickly moved to a more personal level. In that few minute drive the reason for all feelings that I had been having became clear. This woman had been engaged to the man I was dating (prior to me) for almost two years. She told me things about a secret life style he lived that would never work for me. Each thing she told me was like a puzzle piece fitting into my gut and the heavy feelings were gone.
 
It’s taken me a long time to really learn to trust these feelings implicitly. There have been times that I so wanted to believe in others that I’ve tried to brush them off but it never works. There have been other times where the situation has been very confusing making it very hard to trust what I was feeling. Eventually there were some things that happened that taught me to trust my gut no matter what.
 
The only question for me then is what to do when that feeling comes. It’s not always possible to work it out with someone through honest and open communication. So what to do when there doesn’t seem to be a way to reach an outer resolution? Go in. I go in and find a sense of peace once again looking to know that my safety, security, and happiness is not dependent on any outer circumstances, situations or people. From that place the outer situation resolves in whatever way is best for everyone. xo

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As I write this I’m looking at the beautiful orange tulips my husband brought me. Their bright hue sings of happiness and hope. My eyes then fall upon a small arrangement of bright pink roses on my credenza. They sit whispering secrets of beauty and creativity. Each are unique and bring their own message. Each one had to struggle at some point and were only potential. They had to push through darkness, through the unknown, in order to blossom and bring their beautiful message.

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I’m feeling very grateful this morning for some of the challenges I’ve been experiencing as they have been the catalyst to get me back on track. I have a clearer sense of direction and that is to look within instead of outside of myself. It feels very liberating. I’ve not only been able to see this with regards to some of my current situations but also in relation to some profound disappointments from the past.

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New beginnings…

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The view from my office window this morning tells a deeper story; the trees are bare and the ground is covered with a light blanket of cold snow. If I didn’t know better, I would think everything is dead. If I took just this little snapshot in time I might become very sad and discouraged by how things appear. There have been many, many times in my life when things appeared dead just as these trees do. I’ve shed many tears mourning their loss only to later discover that a way was being prepared for something new.

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Faith and fishing…

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Some things happened recently that have led me to reevaluate my life a bit. As I listened within I was reminded of how I feel when I know that everything I need is within me. When I’m clear about this, and therefore look there instead of outside of myself– in other people, in circumstances, and conditions–I no longer have expectations of others. It’s a beautiful thing; I no longer need people to be a certain way, or for them to even be in my life.

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I really try to come to this with transparency and to be completely honest, the last thing I wanted to do today was to post anything…or do anything. Some things happened in the last couple of days that have left me feeling very confused, sad, and very broken hearted. I slept very little last night and woke feeling sick to my stomach.

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I took the day off yesterday, went shopping with a friend and then went to dinner. The mayhem begins again today. They are installing the dance floor in the lower level that we are referring to as Le Club, the organizers extraordinaire are here to do their magic, and hopefully, Mike, our magician electrician is coming to hang more light fixtures. I already need a nap!

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“Udder” joy.

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I decided to move a little slower pace today. There’s not a part of my body that doesn’t hurt right now. Even my fingers are sore. At the same time I feel ecstatically happy and filled with utter joy! (As you’ll see below, maybe should I say “udder” joy.) I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to shower (until last night) and seldom have time to eat much.

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