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Archive for January, 2018

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Unfortunately hard times often reveals your forever friends and your faux-ever friends.

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True story…

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When I look back at my life and the deep challenges that started from birth, I have to honestly say that as much as there were periods of profound difficulty, I don’t think I would change them. There was a time that I felt deeply damaged, but I learned to go inward (after looking everywhere else). I learned to get quiet and look within and my life was never the same.
 
The way I do this has changed and evolved but the first time I decided to try this I simply closed my eyes and imagined I was walking on gently sloping mountain path lined with flowers. I imagined I was going to see a much older and wiser me; a me that had lived my life, had learned the lessons therein and who could guide me on my way.
 
At some point this meditation of sorts, took on a life of it’s own and I was no longer directing it. It was profound and life-changing. I went on to have many “visits” with her over the months following and began calling her The Wise One. She taught me things that, to this day, I still learn from (although I have come to much deeper understanding). She was the start of a journey I could have never imagined could emerge from such a broken and damaged life.
 
I’m sharing this with you because I KNOW that we all have wisdom and breathtaking beauty within us and that sometimes it’s the things that have left us feeling damaged that help us to find it. xo
 
Just a side note: The journey started here but changed rather rapidly leading to ever deepening experiences. It was after a particularly profound experience that, among many other things, I discovered I could suddenly paint just about anything.

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I was so encouraged and inspired by the Golden Globes last night! I have had a deep interest in global plight of women and girls for a very long time and devoted a good part of my education to this cause. I was sexually harassed at almost every job I had and have been paid a fraction of what some of my male contemporaries were getting paid even while doing a better job. I’ve felt the pressure of being valued based on physical appearance and like so many women and girls, have struggled to be heard beyond this.
Our culture’s message to women and girls has been to be a “good girl.” A good girl is sweet, accommodating, she doesn’t create waves, and is best to blend in with the chorus. I haven’t been a “good girl” for many years and I’m so happy to see so many stand up, stand out, and speak about these things that are long overdue. And I’m so very, very overjoyed to see women joining with and supporting other women. xo #metoo #timesup

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When things are hard…

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I’ve been resting (a little) and it feels so fabuloso! I’ve been able to carve out a little time here and there where I’m doing absolutely nothing, and I can’t remember a time I loved doing nothing more!

I’m being chewed on now so I gotta go. xo

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A dash of weirdness?

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To be honest, I don’t know if I’ve ever had only a dash of weirdness and it took a long time to see that’s not a bad thing. Fitting in is highly overrated in my opinion. (A friend’s pup joined us for this one.)

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The light in you…

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Just like we can’t see both sides of a coin at the same time, it’s impossible to be in the light and in the darkness at the same time. The tiniest light dispels darkness and that light lives in each of us…always. It never dims and nothing can threaten it. We do have to be determined to find it. I know this can be challenging when darkness seems to loom but without exception, it is always possible. I promise. xo

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Not okay?

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Whether it’s some sort of trauma or just a period in life of uncertainty when the old is falling away and the new isn’t quite yet visible, feeling lost or sad doesn’t make us weak or (gasp) “negative.” In our culture now there’s a big emphasis on being “positive” but there are periods in life of growth and change that often don’t appear positive, and in the climate of  “always be positive” there seems to be even less cultural support as we pass through these.

I’ve walked through some very profound periods of darkness in my life.  There were some that I wondered if would make it through but I wouldn’t change them in retrospect. It’s not always easy shedding an old life that we’ve outgrown but these are usually times of tremendous growth however much they might not feel good or look pretty…or positive.

I’ve been feeling a little lost and sad and I’ve been through these transitions so many times, I recognize the signs–something is transforming and it’s time to go into my cocoon a bit. These periods are made so much harder when we fight them and continue to try to operate according to our old life believing something has gone wrong.  Our new legs are that of toddler when we’re entering the new and running the marathon of our old life just isn’t going to work–it just makes us feel more afraid and even less capable.  I’ve found the more I can trust, allow, be gentle with myself and go inward, the easier I pass through these births.

If your life looks like a mess and you feel lost and confused, something new might be birthing in your life. Breath. Be gentle with yourself. Cry. Take time to rest. Meditate. But most of all don’t judge yourself–this is the time you need love and understanding and it’s okay to give that to yourself. xo

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I really need to do this right now. Some of you may not know that I lost my parents when I was still quite young and then lost my best friend and oldest sister a few years ago as well. There have been so many challenges in addition to these over the years and I’ve been feeling the weight recently.

I know from experience that there is place of real peace inside each of us no matter what has ever happened or seems to be happening now. Sometimes our greatest opportunity is when we feel most lost because we are far more motivated to dig deep to find it. I’ll meet you there. xo

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